We’ll have to wait for the smoke to clear Tuesday evening to see if Oregonians will follow Washington and Colorado into the haze of legalized marijuana.
My choice is to wait for the haze in those two states to clear before I can determine if legalizing pot will be good for Oregon.
And the jury is still out on that.
Some argue that legalizing marijuana has been the best thing to happen to Colorado since John Denver sang “Rocky Mountain High.”
Little did he know how high the Rocky Mountains would get.
They say Denver pot shops now outnumber Starbucks’ locations 2-to-1, which is good because there is nothing like a good cup of coffee to snap you out of a Purple Haze pot stupor.
They also say there is as much pot being smoked as before, only more openly.
How much pot is that, you ask? TEN TONS PER MONTH, according to a recent article in the Tampa Bay Times.
That one kind of stopped me in my tracks. Let’s see, there are roughly 5.2 million residents of Colorado and 32,000 ounces in a ton, so that’s 320,000 ounces of weed consumed by 5.2 million residents — every 30 days!
When you consider that an ounce of marijuana contains as many as 30 to 40 “joints” (for those who don’t know what a “joint” is, think cigarette), that’s more than two joints per month for every man, woman and child in Colorado.
No wonder they can’t keep Ben and Jerry’s ice cream on the shelves.
Add the “Mile High” altitude to the 10 tons of high-quality pot being ingested every month and it’s a wonder Denver is awake by 10 in the morning.
I’d hate to operate an assembly line in Colorado right now.
“We need to make 100,000 widgets by noon!”
“Dude. I don’t see that happening.”
“Well how many widgets do you think we can roll through the plant by lunch?”
“I’d say three or four max.”
Some of the popular marijuana name brands include, “Train Wreck, Green Crack and AK-47.”
“Yes. I’m on my way to work in the Ebola lab. Can I buy an ounce of Green Crack please?”
Oregon sawmills would have an absolute hoot trying to manage employees.
“How many fingers am I holding up?” one worker might ask.
“None!” his colleagues would shout. “You cut them off yesterday!”
“Yeah, but I didn’t feel it!” he’d boast.
I would love to watch a stoned choker crew on a clear-cut operation.
“Jump over to the next log!” the foreman would scream.
“I can’t feel my legs!” the choke setter would reply. “And I need some potato chips!”
Critics of Colorado’s legalized pot policy told the Tampa Times (Florida is also considering legalizing marijuana) that there have been some not-so-great downsides.
“Emergency room visits have increased with people facing adverse reactions, mostly those who have tried harmless-looking edibles,” read the story.
Marijuana, you see, can also be purchased as candy and given out for the holidays.
Imagine eating a piece of chocolate laced with some AK-47 pot and not knowing it.
“I can’t feel my face!!!”
There were billboards up last week in Colorado warning children and parents to be on the lookout for pot-laced trick-or-treat candy.
A city filled with lost and stoned trick-or-treaters would be perfect B-rated movie fodder.
You can also give out candy for Christmas, Valentine’s Day and Easter without drawing much suspicion.
“Sorry I’ve been mean to you this year,” you might say to an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. “Here’s a box of chocolate.”
Then watch as they wonder what is happening to their eyeballs.
Oregon’s cities have been rushing to set tax rates on the pot, should it become legal to sell it. Roseburg recently decided to tax pot sales at 10 percent, for example.
Problem is, they really don’t know how to collect taxes, since Oregon doesn’t have a sales tax.
My guess is that we’ll hire lots of government tax collectors who will eventually get too stoned to count past 10.
If I’m a pot shop owner I’m sending lots of candy to City Hall (ATTENTION TAX DEPARTMENT) for the holidays.
“FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT JEFF’S MARIJUANA BARBECUE AND BOUTIQUE.”
I’m not sure how legalizing marijuana will help Douglas County much. The unemployment rate is still among the highest in the nation and we already have a pretty good meth problem on our hands.
If you don’t believe me, look out the window and watch the Zombies walk past.
And last I checked nearly 20 percent of Douglas County families were living below the poverty level.
There are many things we can probably do to address that. Legalizing marijuana isn’t on that list.
Let’s wait a year or two to see if Colorado and Washington can still function in two years. If so, I have five acres that would be perfect for some Train Wreck.
Jeff Ackerman is publisher of The News-Review. He can be reached at 541-957-4263 or jackerman@nrtoday.com.
I’m not sure how legalizing marijuana will help Douglas County much. The unemployment rate is still among the highest in the nation and we already have a pretty good meth problem on our hands.
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Publisher's Notebook: No need to rush into the haze of legalized marijuana
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